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BSSM 1st Year

I can’t believe that my first year is drawing to a close. In 20 days I’ll be graduating from Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, and deploying into the next chapter of my life. Unreal.

This was a dream for so many years. I knew since I was a freshman in high school that I wanted to do a year to consecrate my life to God; it’s been 4 years since I realized that I wanted to go to BSSM. Finally, it happened.

I was so excited for this year. I just knew that I would come and be affirmed and built up and all my dreams would come true.

Uh, not quite.

It was so much more than that.

I still can’t come to grips with how much the Lord has changed me this year. I came into this year broken without knowing I was broken, rebellious without knowing I was rebellious. They say ignorance is bliss, but I knew something was wrong. I just didn’t know what.

I can paint a picture of the entire first semester of this year: me lying on the floor in a fetal position, tears streaming down my face, unable to breath as God ripped and tore and broke all the wrong thinking I had. I can’t count all the times I sobbed on the phone to my mom, wanting to go home.

I’m so glad I didn’t.

As God broke me, He healed me. He took out my heart of stone and gave me a heart of flesh. Nothing feels so good as that moment of breakthrough, when you realize you’re seeing the world clearly for the first time. I think that moment happened at least two dozen times this year.

God cleaned me out like a pumpkin for Halloween. He took out all the big stuff, then He scraped me out until there was nothing left. That was the first semester. Then this semester He filled me up.

He introduced me to a beautiful, new, intimate relationship with Him. He taught me how to be myself. He taught me how to forgive. He taught me how to submit. He taught me how to serve. He taught me how to lead.

Most of all, He taught me how to be a daughter.

That’s what it’s all about, see. We are no longer slaves. We are friends. We walk boldly and confidently because we are sons and daughters of the living God. This great God who gave up everything because He simply wanted a relationship with the people He made for His pleasure.

Words can’t even express what I’ve recieved. I’m no longer a slave. I’m no longer even a friend. I’m a Bride. I’m a Daughter. I walk in wholeness and freedom. Grace abounds in my life.

I’m not afraid of messing up anymore.

I can’t even fully grasp that concept. The fact that I live without fear of condemnation, of messing up, of making it so that He doesn’t talk to me anymore. I don’t even understand those fears anymore. That was a different Em. This Em knows the pleasure she brings her Papa. She knows how good God is. She knows the importance her Papa places on her. She dives into the depths of His heart and drinks deep of His love and mercy daily.

I want to show the world this amazing love I’ve found. I want everyone I know to walk in wholeness and freedom, their identities secured in the One who made them.

I’m going home soon. I’m transitioning into a new chapter of my life. I have no idea what that’s going to look like, but I do know one thing:

I’m going to introduce the world to this God I’ve met.

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